It's my 27th birthday today!🎂🎉 Man, I'm getting old! I already feel like I'm 30.😆 I'm sorry that I haven't been able to be here. I've been dealing with some issues for some time.
It's nice to be here today and to see you all again!💕💕💕 I love you, my friends!💞💞💞
Up till now, my life's been good. Treated me well. Created fond memories, graduated from school, experienced new things, made new friends, and had great and new adventures.
However, just like in everyone's life, there were things that made things difficult. And, even a little crazy:
When I was a kid, I had searched for the answer as to who I truly was. Who was the girl I saw when I would look in a mirror. Unfortunately, I was bullied a lot in school. I was even bullied by my teachers in middle school. I have wrestled with my past and the memories that I want to forget. There are things I wish that I haven't said, seen, or done. I had always thought that Jesus had died for everyone else, except for me. That I was rejected by my own Maker and his angels. Plus, there were always those times where I have struggled against the enemy, Satan. Whom I had listened to his lies and trusted what he was always telling me.
When I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my early adult years, my life was tipped upside down. I began to change. It was hard to deal with. Until I chose to trust in God, and with God's help, I began to feel happier. But, there were still challenges. There were even many rifts between me and God. That was when the enemy gained the upper hand against me.
Even in my adult years, I was always asking God the same old questions, "what if I don't make it?", "even if I do, what then?", "what is it about me that makes me worthy or special in your eyes?", "what is it about me that makes me worthy or special in eyes of my guardian angel?", "who and what am I to you?" The list goes on. And, I still am asking those questions.
Bad memories, scary things. Plus, regrets and fears, coupled with self-hatred. My past memories kept haunting me. Overcome with shame, grief, despair, and anger. While it is true that whenever something is too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it. Erase it from our memory. But, it's still there. It seemed like I was down for the count. It felt like it was impossible for me to feel better, to get back up again.
But, I didn't let that stop me!
Fight or flight? I chose FIGHT!
I repented my sins and mistakes. I did right by fighting back. Was it easy? No. However, I was taking back what was stolen from me that made me the strong and happy child that I used to be, with something to always smile about. That bright spark that made people smile and laugh. My true self. My real self. It took a lot of hard work and willingness to trust Him again. However, the result was as clear as a crystal: With God's help, coupled with the help of His angels, those things no longer reigned supreme. Even, Satan himself was rendered defeated.
So you see, when you turn your life over to Christ, He welcomes you with open arms. Even when you feel so sad. When you're down and out. When you have no strength left. Even when darkness comes and pain is all around, Jesus stands up to what weighs you down. Jesus welcomes all who seek Him! Jesus welcomes all with open arms! Even the most hurting and fearful are welcomed by Our Savior!
And, there's always an angel for you in the skies. And, even with Heaven right by your side. Just as there's one for me and perhaps many. I mean, after all, you can never have too many looking after you.
Take it from someone who's dealt with fear, regret, guilt, and even self-hatred. Who has dealt with the pain, confusion, and heartbreak. It's a hard battle, but I didn't quit. Not when I came as far as I have. I was raised to be a fighter! My family has taught me how to be strong, God and Heaven taught me how to be brave.
Heaven awaits those who seek God and His Son. Heaven favors the brave. The bold. The strong. Heaven awaits all who repent and turn their lives over to Christ. And, if I can put my faith and life in the hands of Christ and my protectors, then you can, too.
I miss him a lot. I feel very very sad as a result.
